I found my mother on Madison Ave.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
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Mother, Dutch Moeder, Moer ,Hawaii Makuahine, Hindi -Ma, Maji, Irish MÃ,thair, Swedish Mamma, Mor, Morsa, 

Beautiful in so many languages. Joseph Campbell talks about Mother and Myth, and expands the meaning to include Ground as the mother earth our home, that provides all we need to live. He then stretches that meaning of the mother to include the universe, the sky, the totality of the world in which we live, creating a womb of protection in the expanse of it all. 

I was only 8 years old when you left the physical realm. The adults told me your soul was in the sky, in the heavens, and they weren't totally wrong.  I later learned that your soul existed and presided with the earth mother as well. That heaven isn't only UP but all around, Heaven, I realized is in every place that takes your breath away. 

When I was 17, I was driving along the I-15 freeway, a farm town girl on city freeways kept me alert and nervous. I had not seen your parents or any of the relatives on your side of the family for 9 years. My 8 year old mind held a faint memory of your childhood home in Ogden Utah. With only a desperate desire to find your parents, my grandparents, I pushed the petal of the car and watched the freeway signs, looking for OGDEN.  A strange sensation overcame me. It was as if the air became thick and cool and seeped into my skin. It felt as if this energy was taking over the steering of the car directing me to exit, and navigate through a town that felt familiar.  Street names like Harrison BLVD. triggered the memory of my 8 year old mind. I was driving in a snow globe, peering through distorted glass, watching the stoplights, and old buildings pass by.  And then the car turned onto Madison Ave. To my left was that familiar park and to the right, the old white house. The old nummbers 2145 , Missing roof shingles, and dingy weathered exterior. The house seemed to lean to the left a little as if one side had settled into earth more than the other. The mysterious energy that took me there, was lifting, and in its place was intense adrenaline, my heart racing, the hair on my arms looked as if they would dance off, like dandielion seeds and my shallow rapid breath had me gasping for air. Just footsteps away from the curb, was your home, your parents, your childhood. Just footsteps away from the curb, was the home of my grandparents, (I prayed that they were still alive) my memories of you and my connection to home. My idea of home, with you as its matriarch left when you left, I needed to go back in time and find it, so that I could move into my future. Im not sure how I managed to get from the curb to the front door, but will never forget the sound of the doorbell followed by the distinct unlocking of 3 different bolts, that kept the dangers of a dilapidated town on the outside of this home. As the door creaked open, and your dads face was revealed, I observed him in the first few seconds and watched him do the same. He fell to his knees when the reality of who I was became clear. He threw open the screen door and swooped me into his arms and home with a tear stained face. Walking through that threshold, was like unlocking the vault that contained all of my childhood memories. Nothing had changed. The furniture was the same, (and there you were) the toilets and bathtub still blue, (I felt you again)  the light-switch in the bathroom was still taped with the big round brown button that you pushed in to turn on the lights. Wall paper, same. Kitchen, same. Smell, same. It was as if time did not inflict change on this home. Grandpa and grandma looked older, but that was the only evidence that time had payed a visit. The idea of home, and heaven and your spirit were swirling all around me. My perception changed, and I knew that you were everywhere. You were in this house, and in these people. That feeling was so profound, that I began to recognize it when I would later travel. You were at the beach, and in the mountains. You were in Scotland, and Ireland, England, Paris, Amsterdam, Jamaica, Hawaii, Mexico, my car, my back yard, in the moon, and the night sky, and in my soul. When your soul left your body, It became as expansive as the universe, and when ever I need to feel you, I don't need to go anywhere, because you are everywhere. 

 

Joseph Campbell resonates a truth. Free from the confines of a body, you are as expansive as the universe, and I dwell in the womb of your creation and love.  As the tears swell, and spill on this earth holiday when we celebrate mothers, I take time to allow that energy to seep into my bones, and hug my heart, and hear the faint whispers of your love. And as I gaze out of my window, and see the flowers blooming and the earth taking its spring breath of renewal, I feel your love. And when I look into the night sky and see the moon and the stars, and contemplate the vast universe, I am kissed by your soul.  Heaven is in every place that takes your breath away.  You are heaven and I am an extension of your breath. Happy Mothers Day.

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4 Comments
Tresa Martindale - Love you Diana!! Thank you!
Tresa Martindale - Thank you so much for stopping by. It seems surreal to hear from old friends. Thank you again so much!
Connie Sorensen - I knew your mother. She was sweet and kind. She was good friend of my younger sister. We were in the same ward. It was so sad when she died so young, leaving all of you young ones too soon.
Diana - Stunning, Beautiful, and so, so, Sweet- Love you